“You Are Autumn”

 

So it’s fall, for some of you fall has been in full swing for a while now, but for us folk here in Texas it’s just now begun. And as we enter a new season of weather, i find myself entering a new season in life as well. I suppose you could say this season finds me in transition. This is my season for change. And change is a wonderful thing, it can provide freedom…but that freedom can also be scary. And i’ll admit, i’m more than a bit sacred. I feel confused, and i just want to be held. I’m being challenged to move, and grow, and change, but i’m so terrified. I find myself resisting. But as i look at the autumn leaves i am reminded that everything has it’s time, and everything has it’s season, and just like the leaves we are expected to grow and change. The leaves don’t resist change, no, they willingly fall from their natural habitat, from everything they know…from what is comfortable. I’m at a point in life where i can either resist what God is trying to give me, or i can trust Him and embrace what He has. I often like to be and stay in my comfort zone, but this year God has really taken me out of that…really he almost gave me no choice but to be completely uncomfortable. See this past summer was a very looong one for me. In early May the ceiling in my house collapsed due to mold that was cased by a faulty air conditioner. My family and i had no choice but to move into my grandma’s house until the damage and mold were taken care of. We were there almost two months. Those were the worst two months of my life. It took a toll on my entire family. I felt very trapped…and i was very uncomfortable. But it was during that time that God really changed my heart, and He revealed Himself to me in a way i never had experienced before then…He showed Himself to me in a way that i never would have been able to experience and understand if i had not been so out of everything normal to me. He took me on a journey. That was in May. Now in November, i find God wanting to take me on another journey…one that’s not very comfortable at the moment…but i know that He’s doing it so He can show me another side of Him, another side of His love. I’m not quite sure what all this confusing, and sometimes painfully hard and challenging, change is for, but i know that whatever i’m feeling is for a reason…i’m supposed to feel it, i’m supposed to question it. I’m supposed to be right here, in this place, in the tension between. Nothing happens out of God’s control, even though sometimes it feels that way. I once heard Sherri Shepherd say that sometimes God saves you when you don’t want to be saved, and i think that also applies to change and movement. Sometimes God will move you when you rather not be moved…He will challenge you to make a change when you rather stay where you are. And that’s not always so pleasant, it can be quite painful actually. But one thing i am learning is that life is not always as black and white as i’d like it to be. And yes, while change and challenge can be painful, it can also be beautiful. It can be glorious. It’s grace and mercy actually, because with every new season there is a chance to come alive again. To change and recreate ones self. And this my friends, is the season of change. Orange,red and brown leaves crunching as you walk…sweaters and hoodies and breezy days. There’s creativity in the seasons. There’s creativity in change. I can feel it bubbling in my soul, just waiting to find a way to get out.

I suppose i’m more than a bit idealistic at times, but i think God loves that…in fact i know He does because he created me to be that way. So that brings me to say, I have a love for butterfly’s, and I like to think of myself as one lol, cheesy, but true haha. I also have a huge fascination and obsession with fairy’s…i also think i’m one of those too. Yes, i am a butterfly fairy…mmmhmmm just ask anyone who knows me, it’s true. I long to have pink sparky fairy wings. I long to fly. Someone once told me that maybe i really am a fairy, but that i’m just waiting for my wings to grow…yeah, i think that’s it. I think i’m just waiting for my God to give me my wings. But really as of right now, in the middle of all this change, i don’t want my own wings…no, because that will mean i have to fly alone, and right now all i long for is to soar on my Fathers wings. And i feel like God’s saying to me “Come on my child, let’s go on an adventure. Take this journey with me, take my hand and let’s fly”. Yes, Father, please take me. Hold me in your arms, for i know with you i will never fall. Let’s go. You and me, let’s go together. Whatever you have for me my dear Father, please show me. I’m ready, and i’m excited to see what you have in store. Wherever you want me to go, i’ll go, whatever you want me to do, i’ll do. And whatever you need me to feel, i’ll feel. For you my Savior, i’ll do anything…i am yours. I am always and forever fully yours. You are the author and owner of my heart. I belong to you. You write my story. This is a road i must walk. This is where God wants me. This is where God has appointed me to be in this time in my life. This is where He will walk with me, and He will teach me new things, and grow me into the woman He created me to be. So i will be patient. I’ll let the autumn winds do their job and blow away the remains of summer, i’ll let them free me. I’ll let the changing leaves change my heart, i’ll let their inspiring colors fill my mind, and i’ll learn from them how to willingly fall from what is comfortable and adapt to new environments and new feelings.
 
Fall is more of a mature season to me, it means growing and changing. Whereas summer is the season i feel God gave me to play around and bask in His creation. You see, i’m a bit of a summer girl. My birthday is at the end of May, so i’ve always anticipated the summer season ever since i was a little girl. I love the beach, i love seashells and sand. I love the waves and the sound the tides make as they go in and out. I love long flowy skirts and white lacy sun dresses. I love sno cones and ice cream. And I still find myself holding on to summer. I live on the Texas coast and in my town there’s a bay that leads out to the gulf, so sometimes it’s hard to let go of summer, when everyday you see sand and waves. But God gives us new seasons for a purpose, they’re there to help us move. Summer can start to get to you after a while, yes you start out loving it, you want to run and jump and twirl around in the sunshine…but then you find it starting to get uncomfortable. The heat, the humidity, it all becomes so stale and you start to long for the cool breezy days when breathing came so much easier. And that’s when Gods grace comes in brings you the fall. He brings you the hope of new feelings and experiences. He gives you back the air you need to breathe. So you see, the ever changing seasons are sometimes to let us know that we are not meant to stay in one place when it starts to get tiring. We need change, we need growth.

My summer took on a life of it’s own this year. It was old friends and new friends. It was baseball and music. It was long hugs and road trips. It was San Antonio, Austin, Arlington, Waxahachie and Dallas. It was growing and healing, and it was holding on and letting go. And I feel God is saying to me “The door is closing on summer, but my child don’t lose heart, for i have opened for you a new door. You see, i have given you Autumn. I have given you the cool winds and the colorful leaves, their colors speak of my love for you my child. I have given you fall, this new season, it’s all for you.” Oh yes, He has given me the freedom to explore…ha He knows how curious i am! He knows that i want to see and feel everything. He knows that i long to twirl and fly and take in all life has to offer, and right now is my time to do just that.
 
“Your new door my child, is named Autumn.”
 
Hello Autumn, i’m Cecily, it’s nice to meet you.

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About Cecily Wetter

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