“Bitter and Angry”

Anger is a scary emotion. Anger, if you let it can turn into rage, and rage if you let it can ruin a lot of people’s lives.

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve struggled with some anger issues in my life. You probably won’t know this unless your pretty close to me,{such a sad but true statement isn’t it?} since I’m normally upbeat and easy to get along with. That’s the problem with anger, it’s a lot of times reserved for the people who are closest to you. I have had a lot of anger of my own to deal with and a lot of anger from other people to deal with as well. I hate it very much. Both sides of the spectrum are just plain ugly. Being angry yourself and being around an angry person, it’s all the same, ugly. Anger and rage are extremely ugly emotions. They make you feel out of control… and just lost. I have known my share of angry and enraged people… I hate to admit it… but I kinda come from a long line of ’em.

Some of them are people I’ve never met and will never meet…but they are in my family tree none the less. Recently, I was looking at an old photo album I had found at my grandma’s house, it was mostly full of black and white photos of people I’d never known. So I asked my dad if he knew who all these people were. He sat down next to me and for the next hour told me all about the people in the black and white photos who turned out to be my great aunts and uncles, 2nd and 3rd cousins, and my great grandparents. My dad told me stories about these people that I heard bits and pieces of throughout my life but never in depth. To put it bluntly, they were an angry and enraged bunch of folk. Not really the kind of family you want to sit down and have dinner with. And to be perfectly honest, not the kind you want to claim either lol. But they are a part of my family tree all the same, whether I ever knew them or not. It was very unsettling to know that that kind of cruelty and hatred is in my family tree. Not really the warm and fuzzy feelings you would think would come with looking at an old family photo album. No sir, no warm and fuzzy’s there.

All those people in the black and white photos may be a part of my family but one thing that separates us from each other is that… they didn’t know Jesus. They didn’t know, or rather didn’t believe, that they could surrender all the anger and all the rage to Jesus Christ, their creator. To a king who came off his throne to die on a cross for them so they wouldn’t have to live in their anger and bitterness. So they could have life and have it more abundantly. And most importantly, so they didn’t have to die in their anger and rage. I’m sooo beyond thankful that I know that. I wish they had known that too.

God has done such a work in my life over the years and delivered me from so much of that anger. Every now and again it starts to creep back in, as with any sin if you’re not daily dying to self, daily dying to your flesh. Whatever it is your dealing with, it is a daily surrendering. It’s waking up everyday and being reborn. Giving it all over to him because you will never be strong enough to do it on your own. So you give it to him. You put that burden on his shoulders and trust him to carry it, after all, you were never meant to.

I wrote these two lyrics like 3 or 4 years ago. They’re about the angry people you love and pray for and hope for. The ones you hope will see they don’t have to live this way. The ones you are hoping will drop their “fighting stance” long enough to give them a hug. Here’s hoping….

Maybe It’s Time
I hear your mouth speak but the words are muted. I hear your heart crying out but your lips won’t admit it. Anger falls from your lips like water when your mouth is numb. So you succumb, cause you know as well as I do, it feels better to win. You don’t want to give in, because to you giving in means losing.

(Chorus)
Maybe it’s time, maybe it’s time to lose. Maybe it’s time to stop the excuse. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t change your ways. The monster will still escape from it’s cage. So maybe it’s time, maybe it’s time to lose the rage.

Chaos ensues in the war zone of your brain. You let the fear in. You let the debris rain. Rain, rain down, we’re all soaked and bleeding on the ground. Oh this struggle is not for the faint of heart. This flesh is a losing battle from the start.
You are dying not to lose, but you are already lost.

(Repeat Chorus)

Oh how can I live if I’ve never died? How can I be resurrected when I’ve never been crucified? How can I be saved from Jekyll and Hyde? The only way to find what I’ve lost is to surrender this fight.

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Bitter and Angry
Let go of the ghost, the ghost of the past. You live in bitterness and it’s drowning you fast. Your rage may be justified but realize it must be crucified. You hold on to your anger with a tight grip and refuse to surrender it. Now you’re chained in bitterness with no hope for deliverance. Oh I hear you say “God how could you? My will to live you’ve taken away.” But remember, he is present in our pain. He is the author and finisher of our faith.

(Chorus)
He’s walking toward you, don’t you see him? He’s saying please let me carry your burden. He holds out his hands and places them on your heart and heals every scar. Takes the chains off your wrists and makes you whole again. He’s come to set your heart free. He suffered so you wouldn’t have to die bitter and angry.

You don’t just hold on to your past, you superglue it to your hands. But you don’t control it, it controls you. Loss gives us an excuse to lose ourselves. Oh but it’s a selfish path when anger and self pity fill up like water in your bath. We all have scars of our past that sometimes try to carry us back. But we can put them in a file called forgiveness and under a gift called the blood of Jesus.

(Repeat Chorus)

Oh what did he die for? What did he die for if not to save and to heal what this world tries to kill?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

(C) Krystal Celeste

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About Krystal Rodriguez

Follower of Christ. Twenty-something from Texas. Blogger. Baker. Music addict. Night owl. Chocoholic. Lover of all things creative. You can find me blogging here: https://thewakingezine.wordpress.com and here: http://softlyspokensimplysaid.blogspot.com :)
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